In any airline safety briefing, the instruction is always to “put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others.” This image powerfully illustrates a concept essential for caregiving: to best care for others, caregivers must first care for themselves. This principle can feel counterintuitive, especially when taking care of aging parents or other loved ones seems like it requires all your energy and time. But without addressing their own needs, caregivers risk burnout, stress, and physical decline, ultimately impacting their ability to help those they love.
The Growing Challenge of Caregiver Stress
Today, longer life spans mean more family members find themselves caring for aging parents while balancing their own careers, families, and personal health. Often, they are a part of the “sandwich generation,” caring for both their children and older parents. This dual responsibility can create a sense of being stretched too thin, leading to stress, guilt, and even resentment.
According to a report by the Family Caregiver Alliance, caregivers often experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and health complications due to the stress of constant caregiving. When caregivers neglect their own needs, the impacts on their health, work-life balance, and relationships are profound. Finding strategies for balance and self-care is essential, not only for the caregiver’s well-being but also for the loved one they’re supporting.
Balancing Work, Family, and Caregiving
Balancing the roles of worker, spouse, parent, and caregiver can seem like an impossible juggling act. Here are some strategies that can help caregivers maintain their balance and well-being:
- Set Boundaries and Prioritize: Establish boundaries for when you’re available for caregiving tasks and when you need personal time. Prioritize tasks that truly need your attention and delegate other responsibilities, whether it’s household chores or errands, to other family members or friends.
- Use Support Systems: Lean on support networks, including friends, family, and local community services. Sharing the caregiving burden allows for essential breaks and helps to avoid feeling isolated. There are also many online support groups for caregivers that offer emotional support and practical advice.
- Consider Outside Help: For some families, hiring outside help can make a world of difference. In-home aides, meal delivery services, or professional cleaning can relieve the pressure on the primary caregiver and allow for better focus on family time and self-care.
- Many families consider Continuing Care Communities that provide every level of healthcare support, which can reduce caregiving demands on family members. It is a amazing relief when visiting a loved one who is living in an Assisted Living Community and spending quality time without being the caregiver.
Managing Guilt and Struggles for Older Couples
It’s natural for caregivers to feel guilt, particularly when they cannot do everything themselves. They may feel they’re not doing enough for their loved one or that they’re failing to balance their other responsibilities.
This issue is particularly significant for older couples. Many spouses become fulltime caregivers gradually. What started out as helping to button someone’s shirt develops into managing all activities of daily living for a loved one. It is not the physical challenge that is the heaviest load but also the mental and emotional stress. The mental stress may manifest itself in various ailments, including cardiac disease, depression, drastic weight loss, or gain. Research shows that a caregiver has a 63% greater chance of a major health event than the one being cared for.
It is important to acknowledge your feelings. Recognize that feelings of guilt, frustration, and sadness are normal and common among caregivers. These emotions are a natural response to the weight of responsibility and the desire to provide the best care possible.
It is important to focus on what you can control and realize there are some circumstances beyond your control, such as the progression of a loved one’s illness or the need for a higher level of care than you can provide at home. Accepting these realities and focusing on what you can do each day can reduce overwhelming feelings of guilt.
It’s okay to not have all the answers and to make mistakes along the way. Caregiving is unpredictable and often messy. Allowing room for imperfection can alleviate self-imposed pressure and enable a more compassionate approach to caregiving.
Self-Care Strategies for Caregivers
The principle of “putting on your oxygen mask first” is rooted in self-care. Taking care of yourself not only benefits you but also improves the quality of care you can offer. Here are ways to make self-care a priority:
- Schedule “Me Time” Regularly: Plan regular moments of relaxation, whether it’s through meditation, exercise, or engaging in a favorite hobby. Physical activity and mindful practices reduce stress and boost energy, keeping caregivers physically and mentally resilient.
- Seek Counseling or Therapy: Talking to a mental health professional can provide caregivers with a safe outlet for their feelings and a space to process difficult emotions. Many therapists specialize in family caregiving challenges, helping caregivers develop coping strategies and manage the emotional demands of caregiving.
- Get Quality Sleep and Nutrition: Caregivers often sacrifice their own health needs, leading to fatigue and nutrient deficiencies. Prioritizing sleep, balanced meals, and hydration helps maintain energy levels and resilience.
Considering Community-Based Support
For many families, the demands of caregiving can reach a point where additional help is essential. Assisted Living, Memory Care, and Continuing Care Retirement Communities offer various levels of support and healthcare for aging loved ones. These options can be beneficial not only for the well-being of the senior but also for their family caregivers, who may then focus on quality time rather than solely on caregiving duties.
Finding the right balance between family caregiving and outside support can be challenging but ultimately can reduce stress, guilt, and feelings of being overwhelmed. Making these decisions is often hard, and caregivers may feel that they’re letting their loved ones down. However, it’s important to remember that accepting help doesn’t mean you’re failing; it’s simply another way to ensure that your loved one is cared for in the best possible way.
Jon and Nancy had been married over 50 years. In the past five years Nancy had become increasingly dependent on Jon for her care. She had a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s and general frailty. John not only took care of her daily needs but did all the domestic chores for their home. At 85 years of age, he was completely exhausted. Their children lived 500 miles away and came periodically to help but they had busy lives with children and careers. John hired general help for house cleaning but was frequently dissatisfied with the support he hired from private duty companies for Nancy’s care. They were not always reliable and oftentimes spent time on their phones and watching TV. He finally admitted he could no longer manage everything on his plate. He investigated McCrite Plaza Memory Care and felt comfortable with moving her there. He visited every day and could relax and return to being her husband and not her caretaker. After six months he made the decision to move into an independent living apartment on the same campus. He was thrilled to give up the responsibility for home maintenance and could spend more time with Nancy. He also developed some new friends at McCrite Plaza who were in similar situations and took great comfort from spending time with them. It was the best decision as McCrite Plaza supported both of them.”
The Importance of Self-Care in Caregiving
In caregiving, as in life, self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Putting your own oxygen mask on first means allowing yourself to take breaks, accept help, and tend to your own health and happiness. This ultimately sustains your ability to care for those who need you most. For the many in the sandwich generation balancing work, children, and aging parents, the journey isn’t easy, but with support, self-care, and a compassionate approach, caregivers can find a path forward that respects both their loved ones and themselves.
Call McCrite Plaza in Briarcliff-Kansas City at (816) 888-7930 or (785) 267-2960 in Topeka to schedule a tour, or complete the contact form below.
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